Old Home, New Memories

Lafayette Park

St. Louis MO

It was an odd feeling, but one that I welcomed and appreciated. Landing at Lambert St. Louis Airport last Thursday on an overcast morning, coming back to the place where I lived as a Jesuit scholastic, I knew that I was not at home. Yet I felt deeply that the city, the Jesuit community, and the university that I called home for three years of wonderful friendships, fruitful ministry, challenging academic studies, personal challenges, and overall growth had been exactly what I needed for that period of my life.

Overlook Farm

Clarksville MO

My four-day visit was packed– numerous lunches and conversations with friends, refreshing prayer and lively evenings with the Jesuit scholastics in my former community, a friend's wedding, and a visit to the Latino parish where I worshipped and ministered. Throughout all this activity and travel, I continually recognized and savored the gifts and blessings manifest in my Jesuit brothers, my friends, the autumnal landscape of the Mississippi River valley, and a beautiful marriage ceremony. Although these experiences, and the people with whom I shared them, are intrinsically tied to the time we shared in St. Louis, the underlying graces transcend geographical and temporal constraints even as they occur in the context of a specific place and time.

St. Louis (King of France)

St. Joseph's Church

Louisiana MO

The quieter moments of the long weekend– a moonlit morning run in Forest Park, a quarter-hour of prayer before Mass in the house chapel, waiting to meet a friend on campus, silently admiring the scenery of the wedding reception venue– offered me a growing awareness of various manifestations of love. God's love and majesty unmistakably visible in creation. The mutual love of my friend and her husband expressed in their marriage vows. The love and trust extended to me by my brethren and my friends, and gently compelled from me through my admiration for and trust in them. As someone who tends to be very task-oriented, more comfortable with his intellect than his emotions, and somewhat reticent to lean on the support of others, this was a significant insight for me to receive. It's a grace I'm still learning how to internalize; I'd much rather analyze and scrutinize it. Yet it's still clear to me, as it was when I boarded my Monday morning flight, that this visit, like the three years when I called St. Louis home, was an occasion to be taught once more that I am loved, that I am loving, and that this is at the foundation of my relationship with God and my Jesuit vocation.

Along Missouri Route 79

Clarksville MO

So often I'm preoccupied with the tasks I've undertaken, the loads I've been entrusted to carry... I should also remember to marvel at the driving force that keeps me on track. (Couldn't help reaching for a metaphor to justify one last picture!)