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Chestnut Hill Reservoir, Boston MA

04 January 2012

Looking, Finding, Staying

Praying before dawn on a frigid morning, peering through lightly frosted windows at the gradual swelling of clear bluish light, a phrase (emphasized in bold below) from today's Gospel caught my attention:

John [the Baptist] was standing with two of his disciples, and as he watched Jesus walk by, he said, "Behold, the Lamb of God." The two disciples heard what he said and followed Jesus. Jesus turned and saw them following him and said to them, "What are you looking for?" They said to him, "Rabbi" (which translated means Teacher), "where are you staying?" He said to them, "Come, and you will see." So they went and saw where he was staying, and they stayed with him that day. It was about four in the afternoon. Andrew, the brother of Simon Peter, was one of the two who heard John and followed Jesus. He first found his own brother Simon and told him, "We have found the Messiah," which is translated Christ. Then he brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, "You are Simon the son of John; you will be called Cephas," which is translated Peter.

– John 1:35-42

Imagining where the disciples might have been that day brought to mind memories of places where I've had strong encounters with Jesus– a hospital ward in Washington DC, visiting patients awaiting or recovering from various orthopedic procedures; a small hostel at the edge of a small village in the Chilean desert, chatting over tea, crackers, and cheese with the family who owned the establishment; the echoing silence of a retreat house by the ocean, amidst my thirty-day retreat as a novice that began seven years ago this week.

Yet this phrase also invited me to sharpen my ongoing practice of the Ignatian Examen– prayerfully reviewing the events, actions, and thoughts of any given day, looking for the occasions when I encountered divine grace, contributed to the goodness of someone's day, or possibly resisted God's presence or put my own needs ahead of someone else's. I moved around a great deal today– revising some scholarship proposals in the office, driving a Jesuit friend to the airport, enjoying a quiet lunch on my own in a small coffee shop, participating in a productive meeting, beating the afternoon traffic back to Worcester.

Did I stay with Jesus today? To wholeheartedly affirm that I did would not be entirely honest, as my mind and heart were hardly occupied exclusively with pious musings throughout the past eleven hours. Was I looking to see where Jesus was staying today? I believe that I was indeed doing so, if only subtly. I do know that I moved through the day with a desire and an openness to "come and see," and a gentle joy over the signs of Jesus and his presence that I did find. That in itself is a state of mind and heart that I count as a blessing, and perhaps a lesson about how to stay with Jesus, one day at a time. 

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