On Being Busy

St. Michael's Cathedral
Springfield MA

"O God, who teach us that you abide
in hearts that are just and true,
grant that we may be so fashioned by your grace as to become a dwelling pleasing to you.
Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, for ever and ever."

– Collect prayer, Sixth Sunday of Ordinary Time

Whenever I find that there's something that I haven't done for a while– be it writing in my journal, sitting in my recliner to pray after a long day, posting a blog entry, calling my parents, and so on– I readily point to the circumstances and rhythm of my life and say, "Well, I've been busy." But when does that phrase represent an honest explanation, and when is it merely a dissimulating excuse?

This past week, I've been paying attention to the ways in which I've been busy. A proposal for a given faculty member necessitated a great deal of frenzied attention when some changes were made hours before the deadline, resulting in a series of technical issues that required hasty resolution. I spent many hours tweaking a slate of documents related to some upcoming projects, setting up meetings to discuss their contents with relative individuals at the College, and then ensuring that final drafts were agreed upon and filed properly. I offered time and a listening ear in the evenings to some friends going through challenging times, happily lingered with my fellow Jesuits at table, and set aside a few hours for a wonderful conversation with a priest friend who happened to be traveling through town. But I also found ways of avoiding an urge to sit down and be still, opportunities to fritter away time and attentiveness that could have been dedicated to responding to weeks-old letters, and an unsettling hesitancy to engage in prayer when I wasn't certain that my efforts would be "worthwhile," disillusioned by a frustrating spell of spiritual dryness. Looking back over the past week, I became aware, with some sobering humility, that not all of the activities that I'd freely chosen were genuinely satisfying, not all of my intentional busyness was truly productive, and not all of my devoted attention was prudently invested.

This self-examination of "being busy" is occurring at a favorable time; with Lent beginning in ten days, I'm praying about the changes that I wish to make, the patterns that I wish to amend, and the disciplines that I wish to renew in the upcoming liturgical season of prayer and penitence, of asceticism and almsgiving. Certainly, I desire a "heart that is just and true," and aspire to be "a dwelling pleasing" to God... not just as a Jesuit, but also as a person of prayer and a follower of Christ. I know that certain types of work and rest that I may undertake lead towards that goal, in cooperation with divine grace. Yet manners of activity and idleness that can frustrate progress towards that end are all too familiar to me, in both imagination and experience. As I prepare to greet a new week, I pray for greater resolve to busy myself in the construction and sustenance of harmonious relationships with God and with God's people, as well as firmer devotion to the fruitful activity and nourishing rest that will foster my flourishing at work and at home.